Empathy was always my weakness.
- The capacity to share & understand another's emotions & feelings. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself in another's shoes", or in some way experience what the other person is feeling.Determination was always my strength.
- The act of coming to a decision or of fixing or settling a purpose; a fixed purpose or intention.I've dealt with countless experiences dealing with friends spilling out their situations and dilemmas to me. & The funny thing about it is that close to half of the people who have found security in me, I don't frequently talk to. For some reason, people reach out without worries or doubts that I'll pass judgment or make their business everyone else's. For some reason, every therapeutic, heart-felt talk I've been involved in, people seem to overlook the answer to their problem. I'll admit that sometimes I could care way too much than what I'm supposed to - it could be seen as making other people's problems my own. But the only solution I can draw from this, is that you can't help what you feel - & for me, it's more than people usually do.
I tend to have this bad habit of getting frustrated over the fact that people can't seem to fix things all on their own. The best way I could describe the feeling is a very watered down, simplistic example, but here goes. It's as if I could "switch bodies" with the person, & while I'm in control of their situation, somehow "do the solving for them". The thing that I noticed most in people with dilemmas, is that they want so badly to change & make things better - but the act of initiating change is what draws them away. Commonly, people would rather shove it aside & passively let it bother them, as oppose to stepping out of their comfort zone & actually doing something. I can't blame them, it's only human nature. But as human beings, we want what's best for ourselves.
To be honest, at times I feel bad for the ones who choose to come to me in times of need. While seeking comfort & assurance, wouldn't you want a person who will be there to relieve you of the stress & ultimately be there for you? Wouldn't you want a friend who is willing to sit & soak up all the thoughts in your mind, paying close attention to every detail & frustration. The way I view my methods of giving advice, it seems to be the total opposite. I only add insult to injury by pointing out different view points, rather than agreeing with yours. Although I'm a very patient listener, I can talk up a storm that'll make the priest's homily at church seem like a sentence. The brutality of the way I approach things, it doesn't seem to line up with my empathetic weakness, & that's the part I'm still trying to understand.
From what I've observed, empathy can be coupled with determination - but both must be in equal proportions.
There's nothing wrong with wanting what's best for people - regardless of how close your friendship is. But I believe that determination is the underlying reason as to why I'm so straight-forward about things. The one thing that gets me the most is when people are perfectly capable of taking control of their situation - but instead, choose not to. Why? Does ignorance & uncertainty convince people enough to make them stand still? How could someone willing choose to take the lesser path & have it torment them, rather than getting it over & done with as a step towards bettering the situation? I apply this way of dealing with things, "philosophy" if you will, to the way I handle the struggles in my life. I've been through a lot in the past, & some that still continue to this day. But the drive of wanting to make things better for myself is what helps me get through, slowly but surely.
For my 18th birthday, my Tita Mariss gave me a wall scroll with something that I tend to read during rough stages in my life. I noticed it's a general idea of how I approach situations in life, & it's the best way to summarize my mentality.
There comes a time in your life when you realize that if you stand still, you will remain at this point forever. You realize that if you fall & stay down, life will pass you by.
Life's circumstances are not always what you might wish them to be. You may at times be led in directions that you never imagined, dreamed, or designed. Yet if you had never put any effort into choosing a path or attempting your dream, them perhaps you would have no direction at all.
Rather than wondering about or questioning the direction your life has taken, accept the fact that ther is a path before you now. Shake off the "whys" & "what ifs", & rid yourself of confusion.
Whatever was - is in the past. Whatever is - is what's important. The past is a brief reflection. The future is yet to be realized. Today is here.
Walk your path one step at a time - with courage, faith, & determination. Keep your head up, & cast your dreams to the stars. Soon a path that you never imagined will become the most comfortable direction for you to follow.
- Vicki Silvers
For the
basic, Sparknotes version of my ramblings, this is the best way to sum it all up. Empathy can only open gateways into people's perspectives - to somehow try to convince them to take charge of their situation instead of letting it rule them, is something I hope to influence.
Basically, I living proof of that little passage. Plainly put, I'm determined to mold my situation into a better one compared to the past. I'm looking forward to what's in store for me in the future, because I'm taking charge of how I want to live my life.
I'm going to rock my GPA so hard, New York University would gladly accept me into their graduating class of 2012.
Although I still have yet to learn how to drive stick shift, my savings account is on it's way to making a down payment for that Subaru.
Given the fact my parents are seperated, I'll continue to make it a point to keep in contact with the both of them.
Little, cheesy, sentimental (& slightly corny) goals like that are what keep me focused & motivated. The situation I'm in now isn't half bad - but I know there's potential for things that are better. & Due the numerous struggles, hardships, & off days I've had in the past - it's what drives me to do better. Because, seriously now.. Why make the same mistake twice? That's just silly.
Shit, I was never good at conclusions & closing paragraphs. Umm.. I have a Psychology midterm next Monday - FML. Oh, & Uniqlo is seriously starting to mess with me - FML x2. Til next time, kiddos.
PS - Hi Matt. This entry is half dedicated to you. & My reasons for it being only half, is because these ideas aren't specifically directed at you, but you flatter me knowing you check back for updates. Text you in a few, buahaha.
