Anger Management.

This is pathetic. I don't know where it came from or how long it's been bottled up, but my Mom just exploded on my sister & I at 2AM. I mean, she never lay a finger on us, but that's not to say that she doesn't do damage. I hate it though. It annoys me, because whenever she takes out her anger, they're reckless & could be done without them. & Once she's calmed down, once that cloud of frustration has cleared from her eyes, she just looks stupid & regretful.

Karryn napped from 5-8pm today, & I dozed off on my bed from 9-11pm. The whole apartment was asleep while Karryn & I lay in our room, glancing over to our cellphones every now & then. We sparked up some conversation in a low key voice, not quite whispering but still considerate enough for those sleeping around us. I heard my Mom's voice yell out something stern, I didn't really make out the words, but I knew she was pissed. She stormed into our room & demanded that Karryn sleep on the couch (away from me, so that we wouldn't talk anymore), & to wake up early enough to catch the bus to school. She turned her attention towards me, & asked if I cared that Karryn has school in less than 6 hours. Her fury really rattled her thought process, & I could tell because every response I'd give her she interpreted as an attack or counter to her authority (which wasn't - I'm not in the mood to argue). I simply gave her the answers she wanted to hear, & short after she made her way to the bathroom to take care of whatever business she had. When she was done, I listened to her pounding footsteps, as if this burdened anger manifested into pounds & made her heavier, then proceeded to grab something only to be shattered on the floor. I heard porcelain shards, coins, a few necklaces, & papers. Before she retreated to her bedroom, she decided to add some finishing touches by channeling her inner Jackie Chan & kicking my door, which now has a huge hole on both sides. She blurted out a few more lines of anger, but at this point her speech is too muffled by her rage to be made out into words.

I'm completely fine, to be honest it doesn't even scare me anymore. I'm more along the lines as annoyed. Whenever she gets like this, she does stupid things that are so spur of the moment. My door is a perfect example. We're only renting this apartment, & now we're going to have to pay a little extra just for this hole. The little tray she broke was part of a gift giveaway from Tita Sonia's birthday dinner, & although it was miniscule, it was still sentimental. So thanks Mom, for that random outburst of stupidity. I can understand this is probably rooted from dealing with Karryn as of lately, but to take it out like that? There are far better ways to getting things done.

Not to come off rude or disrespectful, but I can say I understand where all this frustration is coming from. I don't blame her for feeling so shitty about not going anywhere with her life as of now. I've noticed lately that my Mom stays home all day, faithfully perched on the couch watching endless amounts of DTV. She claims to have a job as a part-time Sales Associate at Macys, which was temporary until her LPN certificate cleared. But something tells me that she secretly "no called no showed" this place, because she hasn't been to work for 3 weeks.

She's hit rock bottom before, but a second time around? Come on, get your act together already. Don't take your frustration out on us, namely me, just because I have my priorities straight. Hate to say it, but people need to be told the blunt truth sometimes. Way to start off your 2009..