& I'm asking You,

God, please give me the strength & grace.

Front.

I front so hard by pushing people away during times of need, so it appears like I have everything under control -- or more times than others, make it seem like I could really give a fk less. But in actuality, it's some sick & twisted defense mechanism I have going on with myself that does nothing to benefit me. People have good intentions, yet I can't bring myself to take it with a grain of salt & acknowledge it for what it is. Instead, I make shit harder to handle, & no one will ever know until the time comes where I just explode.

I need to stop trying to manage everything single-handedly, like I'm the only one capable of doing right by themself.
I need to stop worrying so much about the content of others & just look out for me.

I need to start making fkin' moves.



Truth hurts, but it ain't a lie.

At times I don't like you,

but I will always love you.

Back & BLACK.

I become Dominican during the Summer. Diiiimelo.

Random Fact #6

Driving stick wasn't bad at ALL -- matter fact, I'm feenin' for another cruise. Shiiiieeet, not enough niggas drive manual these days..

Can't stop, won't stop.

"Certain things only happen to certain people." I can't bring myself to believe it. Although I trip & let shit get the best of me, I'm never down for the count. It's just in my nature -- fall 7 times, get up 8. Growing up, I was never the princess who was waited on & presented with lush things on a silver plate. I never asked for more than what others around me provided from the get go, & I sure as hell never expected more than that. Majority of the things in my possession, I've earned myself. I'm the type to really take pride in things like that, things that I know I busted my ass for. It's a sickening mentality, because it wears me out -- but in the end, it helps me fall asleep at night. I ain't knockin' kids who have it easy, flying by with your leased cars & bigshot colleges. Who don't have to pinch pennies cause you can simply charge it onto Mom & Dad's account. By all means, more power to you. But I'm still in the process of getting to where I want to be, a financial stability. Money ain't everything, but it sure helps a lot if you got it these days. Times is rough, & I'm sure as hell not going to get my ass kicked by it.

It's the pursuit of happiness (yeah, kind of like the movie) that I'm so desperately after. I want that time to finally come where I can open my door to a home with hardwood flooring & that full kitchen my Mom's been wanting for all these years. I want to hop into my car, financed & being paid off myself, & just drive for hours on end. I want to find that perfect waitressing job somewhere in Midtown Manhattan, a job that I won't resent & actually enjoy serving my customers. I want to go to school at Hunter & live the city life, getting the same education as someone paying $20,000+ a year for some private university. I want it all, & I want to build my way to the top. Sounds overwhelming at first, but it really ain't too much. But for now, I'm just going to have to keep busting my ass..

I got that certain lust for life, I suppose.