Written over a year ago, from my old Xanga. It's amazing how time seems to fly by.. Real update soon to come. I've contemplated writing, but just haven't found the right time to sit & type it out.
"I'm sitting here w/ a mind that doesn't know exactly what to write, & a heart that doesn't know exactly what it feels. To start things off, 2007 has definitely blown by way too quickly. I can remember what I was doing last year, reminiscing how excited I was for the year ahead of me-- then again, who isn't. But time is something that is taken for granted way too often. I myself feel that I waste time a majority of my days. Despite this, the past year has taken me down roads that have twists, turns, detours, speed bumps, anything &everything. &In the end, when you take time to sit down during those last few minutes of 2007 to really think of what you have to show for those 365 days-- your mind starts to run away w/ it (at least mine has). Then, those actions that you have taken during 2007 becomes a reflection of previous years, & you inquire w/ yourself how the hell did things end up this way. Fate has a mysterious way of lining up the pieces of your life &having them fall perfectly into place to form what you make of your present. So for this upcoming 2008 year, I really want to stick by my resolutions-- none of that cliche garbage you hear on commericials, but rather something realistic &attainable. Something I know that I can set my mind to &strive for.
Overall, I want to be a better person. Don't worry, before you start gagging let me finish. When I say a better person, I mean it in many different aspects. I want to be healthier. Coming from a Filipino family, it's common to hear "C'mon you eat anak, you are too eskeeny!" but let's face the reality here: I'm a certified fatass, lolol. Healthier in ways that could benefit me w/o straining too much. Example, how I'm gradually laying off the cigs& eventually going to quit, deadass. I mean seriously, since when did smokes and track& field mix? Speaking of track& field, I'm really going to commit to it& stick by it. Which leads me to my next intention of really following through w/ things that spark my interest. Saying something & doing something are 2 totally different things. So many times have I said I wanted to do this, but end up assing off. It's crossed my conscience &bothered me several times, but this year I've decided to become more aware of it.
I also want to be a better person through the perspective of others-- by that, I mean a better daughter, sister, girlfriend& friend. I want to stop giving people around me less bullshit& start maturing even more. W/ the circumstances that life's throwing at me right now, it's forced me to see things in a much more mature fashion, because when push comes to shove, you got'a do what you got'a do. Keeping my grades up, working on the weekends, driving, spending money wisely& paying bills. It's something that I can say has impacted me towards the middle / ending of 2007, & has strengthened my independence. I want to cut down on the sarcasm but at the same time still maintain that unique sense of humor as well. Let's face it, times are changing. College is right around the corner, &I'm pretty sure no one is going to want to deal w/ high school antics-- minus the few exceptions. ;P
But most importantly, I want to be a better girlfriend-- even though I strive to be every day. I say this because this boy deserves my all, even during the misunderstandings &arguments. Although he hasn't been around enough to know the full story of my past, I can see my future being formed w/ him. He's my support team, my vent session, my buggout, my good mornings & my good nights. Although the distance that seperates us now gets hard at times, it doesn't scare me. It may get to the best of me, but those nostalgic feelings don't come w/ doubts. Call me crazy, but so be it. I'm a fool, pure sucka for love. :P These past 2 weeks I got to spend w/ him have been nothing short of bittersweet. Knowing that something I missed having, is only temporary? It keeps you up at night. It causes you to think way too much into things. No matter how many conclusions you draw yourself into, or how many "could've, should've, would've" statements you make up, it doesn't change the fact that this Friday, it's going to be just as hard as saying goodbye the first time. It kills me. I was never any good at departing scenes-- I don't care if you're some Oscar-winning actress in a 5-star love movie, I'm still going to be gay &cry. But, enough of that. I love this kid, for everything that he is& does. This year, I want to take more initiative. I want to work harder during arguments &let my guard down more often. I just want to give back just as much as you put into it. "The juice is worth the squeeze." I love you Babe, ya cornball. (:
So here's to yet another year under our belts. I hope that you all have a safe, happy, &healthy year ahead of all you guys. Also, if 2007 has taught me something valuable, it's to be open-minded-- see the bigger picture in situations rather than what's in front of us. Oh, &to never loose your sense of humor."
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1 comment:
wow, i really love the way you write. honestly, from the way we joke around at work i wouldn't have even guessed you had a blog, or write so thoughtfully. i dont mean that in a bad way, but it wouldnt have been the first thing i guessed about you. i come across as very quiet i know, but i like that. people can think they have you so figured out, but they never do. only a few people will be let in.
i remember xanga :) it helped me get through my first real breakup/bf and shitty HS in upstate ny.
its interesting that what you wrote the upcoming 2008 doesnt sound outdated. i do hope you achieved some if not all of your goals for this past year. i dont remember what mine were but i know i had the best year of my life, even though it ended in the most surprising way.
looking forward to reading more of your writing too, and yes i do hope to see you at QCC ;) facebook me your schedule!
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